Proceed with caution

There was a weird power outage today and a handful of traffic lights were out in downtown Santa Cruz. It made for a long trip across town, but in and amongst a little frustration, I realized we were all working together as a team.

And I liked it.

We all had to make eye contact with the person across the intersection and then check in with our lane partner to sort of proceed as a team. No one honked or raised their fist in the air. We all just calmly, collectively made it work.

I realize its common knowledge that we, as a society, connect less and less. And even though thats a bit depressing, it does make all the little connections that much sweeter.

Oh, teenagers

The girls and I were killing time in between ballet and swim class and decided to do some window shopping downtown. I was letting them get a few feet ahead of me so they could pretend to be on their own. At some point, a teenager sauntered in between us with his hands in pockets, head down, hoodie up. He was definitely too cool for us and the girls swerved in and out around his legs as he passed by us.

Just as he was passing Josephine, she took off running toward the edge of the sidewalk, close to the road. Our teenager didn't miss a beat. He took one side step and pivoted around at the same time. He reached one arm out to stop my tiny one just as she took a 90 degree turn back toward us. 

He never changed his cool expression and just turned around and kept walking.

As we passed, I said thank you and he just raised his hand and nodded his head.

I love when people remind me to never judge a book by it's cover

Oh, joy.

There was a Dancing in the Streets event in downtown Santa Cruz tonight. And, as always, it's a struggle to gather enough snacks, jackets and children to go anywhere. Ever. Sometimes I give up before I even start and end up missing all the things. But tonight, all the stars aligned.

And thank goodness they did.

There were kids doing ballet, adults tap dancing and even a magical Balinese woman who stared directly into my soul as she danced. Dancing has always brought joy to my life but tonight was a moment that's been building for years. Years of babies, lockdowns and emotions. The cumulative joy of the dancers, the bystanders and my little dancing girls practically lifted me off my feet.

I am so grateful for music and community. And Josephine's little booty shake.

Normal

Santa Cruz still feels like a ghost town sometimes.  Even over a year into all of this. But tonight, I saw teeny glimpse into a life more normal.

I pulled up to a stoplight and noticed two twenty-something girls standing in front of a restaurant awkwardly trying to take a selfie. They were struggling to get the restaurant sign and both their faces in the photo. I was watching them in a daze, slightly amused, when I realized the guy in front of me was sort of heckling them.  I couldn't hear what he was saying, but all of a sudden he did a quick a U-turn and pulled up to the curb.  He hopped off his bike, grabbed their phone, took a great photo, high-fived them and managed to turn back around before the light turned green.

It filled my heart with so much warmth I almost teared up. I realized it had been entirely too long since I'd seen spontaneous human connection and strangers being kind to one another.

What an important time to be a toddler

Since we are temporarily living in "town", we've been taking advantage and doing daily walks along West Cliff (a populated beach walk, but it has a locals vibe).

Before COVID, most people smiled as they passed or offered some sort of friendly gesture.  Now, with mostly masked faces, it feels like no one is friendly...even if they're smiling from behind their mask.

Turns out, if you have a toddler in tow, it's a game changer.

For every single person we passed today, Zoë said, "Hi, I'm Zoë, what's your name?"  Nine out of ten people nearly stopped in their tracks to say hello back and then, if they'd listen, Zoë would continue with:

"Do you know I have a birthday?  I'll be three.  This is my sister. Her name is Josephine. Do you know she has two teeth?"

I had two favorites from the day:

1. A woman named Olga who was so delighted to be stopped to say hello.  She prodded Zoë with lots of questions and we found out her middle name was Josephine.  Turns out she also has a granddaughter named Zoë and our Zoë thought that was the coolest.
2. At the end of our walk, Zoë was out of the stroller collecting rocks.  She stopped two different women who patiently waited as Zoë went through her spiel. Then she told them she had found a rock just for them. They both graciously accepted and commented on how pretty the rock was and how much they would cherish it.

The last woman we spoke to held her newly gifted rock close to her heart and said, "It seems like our only hope right now is to chat with strangers. Thank you for stopping to say hello. You truly made my day."

I'm honored we could help. 

6 months or 6 years

Here we are.  Halfway through 2020 and I feel like it's been 6 years since January. 

There are days when everything hits me at once - mom guilt, the uncertainty of everything about COVID-19, fifty heart-breaking videos of protests, spilled milk, piles of laundry, endless questions from a toddler and a work to-do list I can't seem to check off.

These are the days I almost can't breathe. They are also the days Josephine seems unconsolable.

So with a screaming child, I loaded up two kids and the dog and headed out for a walk - to find my breath.

Just as we left the driveway, I could see two people in masks waiting at the bus stop. I crossed the street in hopes to pass by quickly with a wave instead of encouraging any conversation.  As we got closer, I could tell they were deep in their own conversation and we'd likely pass without interruption.

But as we passed, one of them stopped mid-sentence, looked over and said, "Hey.  Don't worry.  It will all be okay."

He stopped for a beat and I nearly cried.  How could he know I needed to hear that?!

Then he said, "All of this.  It will pass.  I've been around longer than you and seen crazy things happen in this world. Right now, might be the craziest I've seen.  But it's okay. You...and your...is that your daughter?"

"Yes, two daughters." I said.

"Ah, yes.  I see now.  Well, you and your beautiful daughters will be fine. In fact, they'll probably grow up and change this world."

I could barely get the words "thank you" out before I started crying - but a few steps later, I could breathe ever-so-slightly easier.

The Post Office: Best Place in Mojave

I stopped by the post office today (after being gone for a week) and ended up with a few more packages than I expected.  Instead of leaving a few behind so I could come back later, I started trying to load them all into the stroller.  I pulled Zoë out and replaced her with a box of wine.  I stuffed the undercarriage with four boxes in a configuration Tetris aficionados would be proud. Then I balanced one box on top of the canopy.  The last box I'd have to hold under my right arm while I balanced Zoë on my left hip and held June's leash in a combo grip with the stroller handle.

A gentleman coming in as I was leaving asked if he could help.  He offered to grab June and the box I was holding and help me get down the ramp I was failing to navigate.

"Thank you so much.  If you can just get us down this ramp, I'll be fine."

He followed me down and asked where my car was.  I explained I was walking home, but it was only a block and I'd be totally fine.

"Don't be ridiculous. Let me help you.  My dog is in the car, so let's stop, I'll turn on the AC and then I can help you get home."

Having a stranger follow you home in Mojave isn't a decision my husband would approve of, but I couldn't turn down his generosity.

He checked on his dog, grabbed the box of wine and two other boxes so I could put Zoë back in the stroller and then said, "Lead the way."

On the way home he told me about his job, his wife, his commute to LA and the notion that he had done a good deed today so karma would allow him to be a jerk the rest of the day.

Thanks, Mojave.

Flying Money

This morning as I was pulling out of my driveway, there was a car stopped in the middle of the intersection and a woman was starting to get out of the driver's seat.  I slowed down to assess the situation and realized she was frantically running after some money blowing in the wind.

At first, it didn't phase me.  Things blow in the wind ALL. THE. TIME. in Mojave.  Then I thought, "Let it go, lady."  But she stuck with it and I slowly passed by her, smiled and yelled, "Good luck!".

As I made it to the next intersection, I could see in my rearview mirror a man standing on the corner with a wad of money in his hand a bewildered look on his face.

The woman ran back past her car and handed him the money.

Thank you for the surprise act of kindness, citizen of Mojave - the town usually devoid of neighborliness.

Running Errands

June and I went on an adventure to get coffee (and dog treats!) and run around the desert this morning.  On our way back into Mojave, there was a teeny woman on the side of the road trying desperately to drag two huge trash bags behind her.  Just as I noticed her, she turned around and seemed to look me right in my eyeballs, smiled and started waving at me.  I pulled over to see if I could help.

As I did, another car pulled over and a man and wife rolled down their window to say, "Thank you for stopping.  We had just turned around to help as well." They turned to the woman and said, "Also, we have a push cart if you think you can use it."

The woman smiled and said, "Yes, I'd love one - is it in your car, can I see it?"

They explained it was at home, but I could follow them to their house and pick it up for her.  Mojave is a small town, so I figured, why not...this will be quick.

The teeny woman explained to me that the Mobil gas station gives away food that is about to expire and she had walked from her house (about 2 miles) to pick up some snacks.  She just didn't expect they'd have two trash bags full.

After we followed the nice couple to their house to get the cart, she asked if I could swing by a house close by to pick up a piece of glass someone had offered her.

Again, small town...why not?

Then, without hesitation, she asked if we could stop by the CHP and the Sheriff's Station because she wanted to share some of the snacks with them.  So we stopped at both and she dug through her bags to pick out what she thought they might like: Swiss Cake Rolls for the CHP and Fruit Roll Ups and Chips for the Sheriff.  Seems about right.

I was amazed at her confidence in asking for multiple stops and just continued to be her chauffeur.

After dropping off snacks, she said, "Do you know where the Motel 6 is?  I dropped my laundry off this morning and it should be ready."

Sure, no problem.

We didn't say much to each other.  I asked how long she'd lived in Mojave and she asked how far along I was and if I wanted a maternity dress she had at home.  She explained it wasn't that pretty, but it would probably fit me.  And if I didn't want that, she was going to give me a dollar for helping her out.  I told her it wasn't necessary and asked if there was anywhere else she needed to go.

She thought for a moment and said, "Nope, that's it.  You can take me home now."

So I dropped her off and she gave me two boxed apple pies and a bag of Doritos and said, "Thanks.  God bless."

And June and I went home.

June 12, 2016

Today will be marked in history forever.

Forty-nine innocent people were killed in a venue some may have considered the only place they felt safe.

I was traveling today and didn't learn of the tragic event in Orlando until I made it to my airport gate. So until then, my day felt pretty normal. Breakfast with family, chit chat on the way to the airport and then a moment that made me smile.

As I was standing on the curb, re-shuffling my luggage and searching for my ID, I noticed a Lyft car pull up to drop off a passenger.

The driver - a 20-something, adorably awkward man - stepped out to help his passenger with her luggage.  She appeared to be in her late 40's, dressed for business and kind. As he removed her luggage from the trunk, she walked around to meet him finishing a sentence she had already started in the car.

They smiled at one another and I could tell they were saying things like, "Lovely meeting you" and "Have a nice trip." The driver extended his hand to shake her's goodbye and as she reached out and grabbed his hand, she quickly pulled him in for a hug. It was ever so slightly longer than an average we-just-met-hug and I couldn't help but wonder what conversation they had to inspire a hug between strangers.

It made me proud to be human.

Kindness

I was running, head down, cursing today's workout when I realized a girl in my class had stopped running ahead of me.

When I looked up, my fellow Crossfitter was carrying groceries behind a very short, lovely elderly woman. I watched as the woman opened the gate and lead her into the yard and then her house.

As I turned to make my loop back toward the gym, the young woman was coming out of the house kindly waving good bye to the elderly woman. I could sense her get back into step behind me and as we ran back to the gym, I wondered if she could sense the smile on my face.

Neighbors

Almost home for my daily walk with June, my neighbor (whom I've never seen after living here for a year) came hurrying out of his gate, "Excuse me, miss.  Excuse me."

I slowed down and met him half way as he approached me.

"Is that your car parked in front there?"

He was pointing at my un-driveable car I've had parked at the end of the block for almost a year. I smiled and nodded my head and waited for him to complain about it being there.

"Well, I just wanted to make sure you knew your registration is expired. And they can tow it if it's just sitting there."

I was shocked.

And then he continued, "I've been keepin' an eye on if for you though. Even shoed away some young people trying to make love on it. So, don't worry, I'm watching it for you."

I thanked him profusely and explained I was waiting on my new stickers in the mail. We chatted for a few more minutes about dogs and wives and the desert.

I walked away grateful for his kindness and excited to prove to my boyfriend there ARE nice neighbors in Mojave.

Violated

Welp, I got robbed.

I didn't get mugged or come home to windows broken with a huge mess to clean up. The thieves were fast, clean and it took me hours to realize it had even happened.

Basically, I took the dog for a quick 15 minute walk and, best I can tell, they watched me leave and snuck in knowing the dog was gone and they had a few minutes to grab whatever they could find.

There is more story that gets you from walking the dog to realizing we'd been robbed - but that's not where the sunshine lives.

Later that night, after I realized what had been taken, it felt like the perpetrator must have known me. Known exactly what to take to break my heart a little: two of my grandmother's rings, a necklace that was a gift from my dad to his mother and my high school ring.

All so personal.

And they left my laptop, my TV...even some not-so-well-hidden cash.

I cried a little as we waited for the police to show up. But the next day, I hit the ground running like a wanna-be private investigator. I gathered what pictures I had of the items and created a document with photos and info. I headed to Staples and made dozens of copies.  I couldn't help but feel a little bit like Helen Hunt in Girls Just Want to Have Fun - and I liked it.

I made a list of every Pawn Shop in Lancaster, Palmdale and Bakersfield and headed out to save the day.

After visiting the first few, turns out there's a lot to learn about Pawn Shops:

1. Most thieves don't try to sell items for at least a couple weeks.
2. All pawn shops have to report everything they buy to the police.
3. Pawn shops are really busy - I waited in line a lot.
4. In general, pawn shop owners want to help people who've had items stolen, but there's a consistent sigh and head tilt that basically means - "Don't get your hopes up."

Each pawn shop felt pretty much the same - bars on the window or a buzzer to get in, a faint smell of cigarette smoke, jewelry cases, a guitar or two and always a line of people waiting to sell something. But as I entered each one, I realized this was a great research mission for Yelp! reviews - so I started taking notes.

I have officially visited every pawn shop (that has a searchable address) in Lancaster and Palmdale and am working on a massive Yelp! review in case you need to know where to bring your pawnable items.

Just as all the pawn shop owners silently suggested, I'm not keeping my hopes up. Especially because return visits to check for my stolen items just make me sad all over again.

So I may be giving up on the search, but I am now your go-to person for advice on pawn shops in the Antelope Valley. 

Look Up

Today, during my lunch break from jury duty, I was sitting in a coffee shop with my head buried in my phone - a position I'm never very proud of.  Mostly because it's not a welcoming invitation for someone to come talk to you.

But today I realized there are generations who know nothing different and perhaps having your head down doesn't necessarily mean "leave me alone."

As I sat there shuffling through work emails (aka: checking Instagram and playing Words With Friends) I could feel someone in my space.

"Do you play chess?"

I looked up and met eyes with a little girl about 10 years old standing in front of me with a wide smile on her face and a portable chess board under her arm.

I slumped my shoulders and said, "Actually, no I don't."

"I can teach you!"

"You know what, I'd love to learn. But I actually have jury duty today and I have to be back in 15 minutes.  Do you know what jury duty is?"

"Sort of. People hate it, right?

I smiled and explained that was mostly true and then tried to explain it was important as a citizen, and wasn't SO bad. She nodded and seemed slightly interested.

"Well, I can teach you a little bit right...," she paused and looked out the window toward an outside table where a 20-something year-old girl - with awesome bright green hair - was reading a book.

"Hey! That's the girl who plays with me sometimes." She leaned over me and knocked on the window repeatedly until the girl looked up.  The green-haired girl smiled, closed her book and gestured for the girl to come sit at her table.

"Well, I'm going to go play with my friend. Maybe I can teach you some other time."

I said thank you and wished her luck on her next game.

Judging Too Soon

I was standing in line at Target today watching a little girl pick up each individual candy bar at the check out and say to her mom, "What about THIS one?"

Her mom was slightly annoyed and mostly ignored her, saying no or shaking her head at every other one or two. At the same time, mom was head down in her phone -- texting or Facebooking or researching nuclear energy -- who knows.

I caught myself being a little judgmental of the mom for ignoring her daughter and not interacting with the checkout person.

I also am not a mom who has been asked 1, 257 times "Can I have this?" So I tried to mind my own business and wait for my turn.

As mom and daughter walked away, I watched the mom try to squeeze her cart by a man in front of her and as he turned around she was sort of startled and said, "Oh, it's you. Do you run at the Y?"

He was confused, furrowed his brow and said, "Yeah."

The mom smiled and said, "You inspire me. Always running, always working hard. I wish I worked that hard."

She walked away before he could respond and I watched as he tried to hide his smile under his blushing cheeks.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Living in a teeny town in the desert has made finding a local coffee shop difficult.  And on all my trips back down to LA, it's become ritual to stop and grab an iced coffee for the drive down.  I've been going to a Starbucks that's just off the freeway out of ease, but haven't been happy about it.

About a month ago I found a cute shop right off the Rosamond exit called Sister Sister Coffee House and it's been such a great find.

Today, as I pulled up and started to place my order, the girl behind the counter said, "You want your regular iced coffee today?  Splash of soy?"

I couldn't contain my smile.  "Yes, please."

I was surprised how good it felt that she remembered me.  Loved it.  And I let her know she had made my day.

Secret Smile

I was in line at the grocery store today and the man in front of me had only one item: flowers. As he waited for his turn, he stood there with perfect posture and a very stoic, manly expression on his face. I couldn't help but smile as I watched him and was already making up stories in my head about who he'd be giving them to.

As he approached the cashier, a smile started to escape and I watched him pierce his lips to try and hide it. The cashier scanned the flowers and wasn't as successful at hiding her smile. Neither of them said a word, but as she glanced up and made eye contact with him, he couldn't hold it in any longer. He smiled from ear to ear and quickly looked down to grab his wallet.

She placed the vase on the ledge and avoided eye contact as he started to use the credit card machine. As he was punching in numbers, she reached over to take the price tag off the vase and they caught each others eyes again - this time sharing a smile as he said, "You're so kind."

Seeing people buy flowers, specifically men, warms my heart every time. It's exciting to know there is someone out there who will be on the receiving end and two people will share a smile, even if just for a moment.

The Fourth is Sexual Harassment

I was minding my own business in the Staples parking lot when I heard someone from across the lot say, "Hi. I like your smile."  For the record, I wasn't smiling.

When I looked up, there was little old man headed my way.

"I just lost 20 pounds. What do you think?"

I smiled and said, "Congratulations! How'd you do it?"

"Well, I'm on the seafood diet.  If I see food, I don't eat it."

Cute.

We proceeded to have a 5 minute conversation that consisted of him shamelessly hitting on me.  Which is easy to take when someone is 40 years your senior.

I'll spare you all the details, but two of my favorite moments were him asking me for my phone number, to which I declined.  Twice.  After his second attempt he said, "Well now that you're getting to know me a little better, you might give me your number before I leave.  My parole officer says it's okay to ask three times for something.  After that, it's sexual harassment.  So I've got one more shot."

After turning him down a third time and deciding to part ways, he reached in his shirt pocket and handed me a carnation. My heart melted a little and I took it but offered to give it back in case he wanted to give it to someone who would give him their phone number in return.

He smiled as he started to walk away and said, "Oh no, baby. I got a dozen of those in my car."

Solid.

Los Angeleno Seeks Other Los Angelenos

Moving is an opportunity to get rid of clutter and organize a new life.  But it also opens up shelves and corners and space for new furniture and must-haves on Craigslist. I've been obsessed lately - making my treasure hunt online part of my morning ritual.

I've come across items I could never afford, hilarious postings under "free" and an unbelievable amount of spam. However, I've also discovered it's an amazing way to see who really lives in Los Angeles. In pursuit of new treasure, I've visited a handful of people's homes and each visit opens my eyes a little more.

I met Jack, a polite man in his 60's who sold me 15 old Spanish tiles that I plan to use for a Guerrilla Garden. He was slightly hesitant to hand over the box and asked me what I planned to do with them. After my explanation, he requested I send him photos of the finished product.

I also met Laura who mentioned on the phone there was no pressure to buy anything. She knew it was all fate and if her items spoke to me, I would buy them and I would be very happy. As I stepped into her apartment, she explained she had three kids and a past life and husband she despised. The items she wanted to sell were from that life and she loved them dearly, but wanted a fresh start. She also explained since I was interested in the potted plants, that there would be no bad juju because plants are full of life and can adapt to new love. After helping me load the pots into my car, she offered me a high five and good luck in life and in love.

And finally, Terry, who sold me an antique jewelry box I had my eye on for about a week.  I met him at a tiny studio apartment in West Hollywood and when I walked in, there were literally antiques and knick knacks from floor to ceiling. I almost needed to turn sideways to walk into the space. He was buff and blonde, a gold chain peaking out of his three-quarter, un-buttoned shirt and a matching gold hoop earring in his left ear. He had round, rosy cheeks that reminded me of Santa Claus and asked if I had extra time to take a look at the rest of his loot. He explained he used to live in a big home and collected antiques for years and that he used to have a lot of money but was changing his lifestyle and didn't have space anymore.

I did have time.

And I did find a couple more things I probably didn't entirely need. But when I got home tonight, I received an email from him with the subject line, THANK YOU and this image in the body of the email:

Kindness

I spent some time volunteering today at MEND in Pacoima -- a non-profit we've visited quite a bit with the Do Good Bus.

We actually had a holiday visit this past December where we took family photos for some of their clients. One of the couples we photographed was getting married the following weekend and wanted some pre-wedding photos. When we arrived, we found out the couple didn't have a ride to MEND and luckily, we had brought an extra car with the bus.

I ended up giving them a ride to and from MEND and loved the opportunity to get to know them a little bit along the way.

Today, as I was chatting with Luke, one of the managers at MEND, I found out one of the photographers who joined us last trip offered to shoot the couple's wedding for them at no cost. I had no idea he had done this and was blown away by his kindness.  The couple had even sent the final pictures to Luke so I was able to see photos of the happy couple from their wedding day.

As Luke and I scrolled through the images we both couldn't help but think of the dozens of weddings we've attended that, naturally, had photographers. In fact, I would dare say EVERY wedding I've attended had a photographer.  And then we both realized this couple wouldn't have had beautiful photos of starting their life together if a young man hadn't thought to offer his time.

Inspired.